Talking

Talking 

Husband and I have to start talking. What does the conversation look like? I don't know. I have to frame it carefully. 

It must convey that we are not ok. But it can't imply that I'm looking for an end. We may be ok. We may not. But I have to be careful to not kill our chances with one conversation. 

What also cannot happen is a passive conversation where we do not really talk. I don't want, for either of our sakes, for us to be one of those couples that goes for years not being anything, just cohabiting peacefully. Then one day, age 40, we realize we are fucked. We realize we haven't been living.

So, how does the conversation start? I guess for starters, "we need to talk about us." Are we growing? Are we growing in the same direction? Where do we each see ourselves in five years? Can we get there together? How?

This one conversation might end it all. It might save us. It might be the first of many. More than likely, he will go along with what I say. That can't happen. It's not fair to him. It's not fair to me.

There's a chance he will close up or get defensive, not want to talk. That will lead to a rapid dissolution of our marriage. 

The bottom line is, we've never talked like this so I don't know how he will react. All I know is, the outcome is always the one you never imagine, so no matter what, I will probably be surprised.